Tuesday, June 14, 2005

So I guess this is the beginning of a new chapter in the life of Jason. My new job starts on July 4th. Ella is taking a look at an apartment in Salem. Train fare is only $3.75 each way, $128 for a monthly pass which will cover the subway too.

The first steps to getting back on my feet? Sure hope so. I'd like to visit some friends out of state sometime soon, too. Namely Tricia and Leah.

Did I mention I have hair again? I have hair.

My diet took a 100% intentional nose-dive today. I just got a job. That demands Chinese food. I don't fuck around.

there's the hum
young man where you from
brooklyn number one
native son
speaking in the native tongue
i got my eyes on tomorrow (there it is)
while you still try to follow where it is
i'm on the ave where it lives and dies
violently, silently
shine so vivrantly
that eyes squint to catch a glimpse

     - Mos Def ("Hip Hop")

When I was sixteen I was interested in going into the airforce and almost violently anti-drug, mildly anti-gay.

Now I'm the same age as Jesus when he was crucified, virulently anti-military and cannabis has taught me as much about life stoned as I've learned sober, and almost everything profound that I know. I haven't done a complete 180° on the gay issue but ya know, if I was, Taye Diggs isn't bad looking...

The world is a strange place.

On the phone tonight, my daughter mentioned she was interesting in visiting me if her mother would let her. This, two months after telling me that she wasn't really interested in visiting me, just going to the nearby beach. It is with these words in mind that I more or less gave up on being a father. I'll strongarm Melissa but I'm not about to make Bek do something she doesn't want to do, even if that's being my daughter.

Maybe that comes from a lifetime of having bullshit ideas crammed down my throat. Adults would always cop to that "you'll understand when you're older" bullshit. It wound up being true for about 30% of it.

The next two years are going to be interesting. Trust me.

I really should bring these !@#$ing library books back...

Reading Man in the High Castle ...again. It's only about the sixth time I've tried. It's not that it's bad, it's that it's Philip K. Dick. Actually, that's not fair. I have problems with anything past short stories. Hell of an interesting book, regardless. It's a sort of alternate-history story in which the Axis powers won World War II. It's the Germans and the Japanese as the dominant powers with the Americans as the underclass. Illustrative.

Did I mention that my job is a street-level fundraiser helping kids in third-world countries? My job it to convince people walking down the street to cough up $24 every month to basically double their living standard. They live on about 66¢ a day. Me, I just blew two days worth of food and shelter on a lighter. Puts things in perspective, neh?

On that note...

looking down on empty streets
all she can see
are the dreams all made solid
are the dreams all made real

all of the buildings
all of those cars
were once just a dream
in somebody's head

she pictures the broken glass
pictures the steam
she pictures a soul
no leak at the seam

lets take the boat out
wait until darkness
let's take the boat out
wait until darkness comes

nowhere in the corridors of
pale green and grey
nowhere in the suburbs
in the cold light of day

there in the midst of it
so alive and alone
words support like bone

dreaming of mercy st.
wear your inside out
dreaming of mercy
in your daddy's arms again
dreaming of mercy st.
swear they moved that sign
dreaming of mercy
in your daddy's arms

pulling out the papers
from the drawers that slide smooth
tugging at the darkness
word upon word

confessing all the secret things
in the warm velvet box
to the priest, he's the doctor
he can handle the shocks

dreaming of the tenderness
the tremble in the hips
of kissing mary's lips

dreaming of mercy st.
wear your insides out
dreaming of mercy
in your daddy's arms again
dreaming of mercy st.
swear they moved that sign
looking for mercy
in your daddy's arms

mercy, mercy,
looking for mercy
mercy, mercy,
looking for mercy

anne with her father
is out in the boat
riding the water
riding the waves on the sea

     - Peter Gabriel ("Mercy Street")

No comments: