Normally I wake up with Ella being the first thing on my mind. I wasn't lying when I told her that. Unfortunately, it still is. The last three nights I've kind of drifted awake, content and rested, and it hits me; She's gone.
It's like having a wallet full of money. If you have it, you don't have to buy anything to justify it. It's just there. You could if you wanted. I'm used to the idea of being able to hug her or kiss her or sleep next to her if I wanted. Now it's gone. And when I wake up and realize this my stomach grinds into a small knot.